"New Mexico" is the first episode of the first season of Dan Vs., and the first episode overall. The episode follows Dan seeking revenge on New Mexico after blaming them for damage caused to his car.


After having a bad morning, Dan wanders outside to discover his car window is smashed, and after seeing a cactus, a brick, and a post card from New Mexico, he swears revenge on the state. After failing to get information on how to hurt New Mexico from Chris, the two go to the library to find more information.However, after starting a fight with Chris, the two get kicked out. After getting lunch, the two visit a different library, where the librarian agrees to give them information on how to hurt New Mexico in exchange for getting revenge on a guy who is dating his wife. Dan agrees instantly, and after some convincing, Chris agrees, as long as it's not to the extent of murder.

After the two agree to let him walk away, he is accidentally hit by a bus. After taking the man's library card, the librarian cancels it, and gives Dan and Chris a book on the dark history and secrets of New Mexico. He also gives them the idea to destroy their hot air balloons, stating hot air balloons are like "candy to them." Outside they see two paramedics putting the man who was hit by a bus in an ambulance, assuring him he'll be fine, however once they're out of his line of sight, one motions to the other, implying the man will likely die.

Back at his house, Elise tries to make sense of Dan's plan to destroy the hot air balloon festival, but asks to come with them. Dan protests her coming, but Chris tells her she can, making Dan get stuck sitting in the back seat. When Dan asked why she even wanted to come, she has a flashback that reveals she took a trip to New Mexico, where he cotton candy was stolen by roadrunners, and her balloon popped on a cactus, and she had also swore to one day get revenge on the state. She then tells Dan she doesn't want to talk about it. Once the trio arrives in New Mexico, Elise asks to be dropped off on the side of the road. Chris questions why, but Dan doesn't seem to find it suspicious. After this, Elise is seen sneaking up to Area 52 dressed in ninja attire.

After running over (and partially cooking and eating) a roadrunner, Dan comes up with the plan to use a hydrogen truck to blow up the hot air balloons at the festival. After attacking a truck driver, they successfully steal his truck. Dan states that the balloons are unguarded due to everyone being at a pre-balloon release party, or at a balloonists' sacrificial ritual, which turns out to be true. Meanwhile, Elise successfully breaks into Area 51, knocking out many guards in the process.

After filling all the balloons with hydrogen, Dan attempts to throw a lighter at them, however had accidentally left the window up, causing the lighter to remain inside the truck and light the truck on fire instead. Chris and Dan jump out of the car, which crashes into the balloons and blows them up, disturbing the balloonists' ceremony,. As the balloonists begin to attack Chris and Dan, knocking out Chris, a UFO arrives and abducts the two. The ship is revealed to be being flown by Elise, who uses the ship to destroy Area 51, the fair she was at in her flashback, some roadrunners, and eventually Santa Fe. Dan accidentally crashes the ship, and the three return home in Chris's car. Chris finally wakes up, and Dan and Elise act like nothing happens, prompting him to go back to sleep, however he falls out of the car, causing Dan to laugh.


In order of appearance

  • Dan (debut)
  • Chris (debut)
  • A librarian (debut)
  • The librarian's wife's boyfriend (debut)
  • Two paramedics (debut; non-speaking for one)
  • Elise (debut)
  • A truck driver (debut)
  • Balloonists (debut)
  • Balloonists' sacrifice (debut; non-speaking)
  • Area 51 guards (debut; non-speaking)
  • Aliens (debut; non-speaking)

Other appearances

  • Don (flashback; non-speaking)
  • Elise, Sr. (flashback; non-speaking)

Notes and trivia

  • This episode aired back to back with "The Wolf-Man" as part of the show's premier.
  • Dan's revenge list is first seen in this episode, with plans to get revenge on the following:
    • The Hawaiian Nionarchy
    • Ted
    • The deep blue sea
    • The eldery
    • Patchy beards
    • Caricaturists
    • William Shatner
    • Maryland
    • Hanging Eli's Dairy Farm
    • Beef hotdogs
    • Arizona
    • Three others were also listed, however either Dan's thumb covered them, or they weren't legible.
  • Elise mentions wanting Chris to eat healthier.
  • On the "Welcome to New Mexico" sign, there is an extra part at the bottom that reads "Go home, Dan," implying this isn't his first time seeking revenge against them.
  • After Chris runs over a roadrunner, Dan believes it's the Road Runner, a reference to the Loony Tunes character of that name.